Message received ?

Funny story this week in the Thai Premier league (soccer). A match had to be postponed because the referee didn't show up. He was not held back or anything but he had simply not read the Line message that was sent to him by the organizing committee to tell him that he was the referee for that particular game. This may look like an extreme example of bad organization but it reminded me of how often this happens in work situations. All the communication tools and apps available these days should help us to be more effective in ... communicating with others ! The reality is often different.

When I have discussions with leaders who share the challenges they have with their teams, I often hear "I sent her the report .." or "I sent him the email ...". Communication in the mind of many seems reduced to hitting the "send" button on the email or the app. And sometimes the "receipt" message is an even stronger piece of evidence that the communication has been successful.

And when we dig into communication issues, we often find out that the issue is that the other person does not react, reply, act or confirm, although ... I had sent the message (and I got the receipt confirmation to prove it!). Sending the message has "thrown the ball" back to the other side and puts people in a mode that says "now I am waiting for them". Amongst the 1000s of apps, one function the cell phone can still perform is to actually call and talk to somebody. If you want to be sure your message is received (and understood, although that may be another challenge), it is sometimes useful to switch back to this most basic of apps !

Changing others ...

In the team sessions I run, participants share management challenges and learn from each other through a questioning process. 100% of the challenges are about someone who is not in the room. The difficult colleague. The demanding boss. A team member who is not doing what is asked. Or another who is talking behind your back. The context and specifics are different, but it is always about them. And how to change them.

The presenter explains to the colleagues in the team session all he has tried, all the tricks in his management tool kit that have been tested. And how all these attempts were not successful and how the issue is still there. Once the explanations about the situation are complete, the presenter eagerly listens to what the colleagues will come up with, in the hope they will have a magic trick in the tool box that is brand new and untested and will be the secret to dealing with this management challenge. Alas, after a few minutes, the discussion often turns into "I have tried that too and it doesn't work" or "This solution is not possible in this case because ...".

The exchange quickly grows stale when the focus is solely on what other or innovative tricks exist to change the other person's (peer, boss, team member) behavior. The real insight comes when the presenter realizes that he or she can only change his or her own behavior ... and then see what impact that has on the other person. This seems pretty basic for some but it is only when this awareness has grown that the presenter can come up with real steps of what he can do himself to deal with the challenge.