The Power of Awareness

We often assume that people around us see and know themselves like we see or know them. When there are behaviors that are not appropriate or don't help the team, we assume that they are very well aware of these behaviors, but that they either don't want to or are not capable of changing. We "give up" and think it is hopeless to expect them to change their behavior.

I recently had a discussion with a manager as part of a leadership development program. This manager was well known by most around him as someone who just talks too much. Telling others what to do rather than finding out what they think. Using up air time that belongs to others (including answering questions that are asked to them). Never keeping this concise and just keeping on talking. This behavior is so obvious that it bothers everyone around him. He is otherwise a capable, hard-working and motivated young manager, but most around him just conclude there is no way he can change the way he is.

So I had a chat with him recently asking about his personal development as part of the leadership program. He told me he had simply divided by two the amount of talking, instructing and telling he does. He had gone "cold turkey". He simply changed his behavior very strongly from one day to the next. And those around him immediately noticed. So I asked him how he had done it ? What trick had he used ? It must be difficult to so fundamentally change an ingrained behavior. ? His answer ? For him, it simply was the first time he had become clearly aware of this behavior and the impact this had on his team. Nobody had told him, or even hinted to him. They just all assumed he was aware but that things were beyond repair. It was simple awareness that snapped him out of this negative behavior.

Simple lesson: don't assume all is clear for those around you. Tell them in a simple and clear way what is expected from them. No guarantee that all will be done accordingly, but at least they will be aware.