Building trust ... where to start ?

A fellow facilitator recently contacted me to ask for ideas about an exercise around trust for a team session. And she specified that it shouldn't be childish or goofy (her words) like the famous "trust fall" exercise since this is a senior executive team.

Trust is a word we often use lightly. A key point to understand is that trust exists only at the level of two people. An easy way to think about this: if A trusts B and A trusts C, then this does not mean that there is trust in the team A, B, C. In fact, it is possible that B and C don't trust each other. So you cannot put 8 people in a circle and say "let's now build trust in this team". It starts at the level of the different pairs.

When I work around trust, I always start with the pairs. The trust between pairs will become the trust within the team as a whole.

My favorite exercise is the "hot seat". Each person takes turn sitting in the hot seat, and the others, one by one, give feedback about this person. Round one follows the "I appreciate that you do/say this or that and I suggest you continue doing it" structure. Round two is "I think it would be great for the team if you could start/stop doing/saying this or that". The person receiving the feedback can only say "Thank you" and not react in any other way. If done consciously, this can go quite fast and it is typically well received by all participants. There is sometimes laughter and sometimes genuine reflection and appreciation.

You won't build trust in a single session. But there is a way to get started.

Are you focused ?

It is pretty amazing what you can do when you are focused and concentrated on what you are doing. This street artist, amidst the bustle of 1000s of people walking buy, creates T-shirts by drawing simple straight lines in different colors without any ruler or guide. Just his very steady hand. In a handful of minutes, he creates a unique T-shirt that is almost impossible to copy. If he would just lay them out for sale, there wouldn't be much interest. But by showing his skill, these commodity T-shirts become hot designer products. He is definitely enjoying "flow" (Csíkszentmihályi). In very little time, he is creating real value.

Let's take this story and reflect on how we typically do when we are working in a team. At the end of the very busy day, how much value have you really created for yourself, the team you work in or your organization ? How much of your working time have you been in "flow": focused on the things you need to do ? And how distracted have you been by what is surrounding you ?

There is the magic pull of the electronic gadgets in our hands. When they buzz or beep, we feel important, wanted and eager to contribute. We like to think something "urgent" is wanting us to take care of. In reality there are very few urgencies that need to be addressed in the minute that follows. And what urgencies get dealt with by shooting off an email ?

More fundamentally, when we are in a team discussion, we are often just waiting for the other to stop talking to get our point in. A typical way to start is "Yes but ..." which means pretty much "I haven't heard what you just said but listen to me !". Active listening is called like that because it requires effort. Staying focused and asking yourself W.A.I.T (Why Am I Talking?) is what brings real value to the team, not the amount of airtime each gets.

Remind yourself about your level of focus a few times during the day ... Ask yourself "For the last hour, how focused have I been ?". And re-calibrate !