There ARE stupid questions

I like to hand out the key ring in the picture when I organize a workshop around asking questions. In these workshops, we discuss the types of questions there are and how they can be applied in different situations. There are the closed, or yes-or-no questions (not really good). And the open questions, that allow a creative and genuine exchange (very good !). And on the top of the pyramid is the "why ?" question, the Mother of All Questions. The "why ?" question probes for depth and helps to unveil the real reasons behind whatever is being discussed.

But here's a few "why ?" questions I hear quite often: "Why have you done it this way ?" and "Why are you late again ?". They are open questions probing for depth, but are very strongly opinionated. So what is a real "why ?" question and what is a fake one ? I was struggling with this until very recently, when I learned in a webinar the "You idiot" rule from Roger Schwartz. Roger Schwartz is a management thinker and author and his recent book on team functioning is Smart Leaders Smarter Teams (my copy is on the way from Amazon !). His very simple "You idiot" rule allows to separate questions that really look for an answer from those that are fake (whether they are open, closed or why questions).

His "You idiot" rule goes as follows. When you are about to ask a question, think of this question and add "You idiot" at the end of it. If the meaning of the question still makes sense, you are about to ask a rhetorical or fake question and not a real one. Try it. Add "You stupid" to the two example questions above: the questions still make very much sense (you are actually adding some "punch" to them !).

Now what about "What would be the other options ?" or "What do you think about this ?" Not in the league of the Grand "Why ?" question, but if you add "You idiot" at the end of each, the question no longer makes sense. This is a genuine question.

This is a very simple rule, but since I picked it up a few weeks ago, it has stuck in my mind and I realize I am actually using it. And it works. So try it out for yourself ! Tip: check the "You idiot" rule before you ask the question ...

Talking with meaning

I have been in numerous meetings. When there’s a majority of non-Asians in the room, it often comes down to who talks the most. Those that do most of the talking are seen as the most knowledgeable, or the most assertive, and the rest either struggle to keep up or switch off. I used to do this for quite a while,  making sure my voice was heard. But as I moved up in the organization, I realized that when I did all the talking, I was not getting a lot from the team that works with me. So what’s the solution ? Say nothing at all ? No, the solution is to consider the quality of your interventions, rather than the quantity. I have two tips I picked up along the way worth sharing. The first I heard from someone somewhere, I don’t remember where. The second is something that grew as an awareness over the years.

Tip #1 When in a discussion or debate, think before you are about to say something, and answer the question: is what I am about going to say making a contribution in bringing this discussion closer to a solution or outcome, or is it helping the team forward ? If not, don’t say anything and continue to listen to the others. If you are sure that what you are about to say is helping the team, go ahead and say what you have to say. If you apply this rule, you will find out that you will be speaking much less often. This is because we often speak because we want to show others what we know about the issue at hand. Or we repeat what someone else has said, but in our words and with a slight twist. Or we disagree with someone and elaborate on why that person is wrong. We speak up to be heard, to be listened to, and we think that this is how we contribute. But what we are saying is quite often just filling the space, and not helping to solve the issue that is being discussed.

Tip #2 Listen for what is not being said, and fill that gap. In a team discussion or meeting, ideas and opinions fly left and right. Someone says something and the topic is taken up, twisted, reshaped or attacked. Somebody else will continue in the same direction or move the discussion in a different one. Very often a discussion builds on what is the last thing that was said. While all this is going on, try to become, for a few seconds, an observer to the meeting, and ask yourself the question: what is not being discussed ? What is the team not talking about ? A powerful question like “Have you guys thought about this or that ?” can change the course of a discussion and speed up the resolution.  

When in meetings or team discussion, think about the quality of your contributions and not of the quantity. When you speak less frequently, but with something meaningful to say, it carries weight and is seen as more positive than just filling the empty space. It is one of the qualities of becoming a leader.