Questions to ... yourself !

I read a lot. I read all the time. Mostly books around leadership and management and approaches on how to make teams more effective. But I have to admit that very few books really stand out: it is very often a nice idea spread over 300 pages. And if I'm honest, I also have to admit that it is very rare that I read something that really stays with me, and that I apply going forward. The last time that happened was when I read "Time Management for Dummies" and became addicted to creating and re-updating "to-do lists". This was a long time ago, but it stuck and to-do lists are still very much a key element of how I remain organized.

So I was not expecting a lot when I recently started Marilyn Adam's book "Change Your Questions, Change Your Life". First of all, it's a management book written in novel style, and I really don't like that. As I started, I thought it would be another book about asking good questions and getting the best out of people.

But they key insight for me was not about what questions to ask to others, but what questions to ask to yourself ! In particular in tense or difficult situations, situations where we sometimes give priority to what to say rather than to thinking about the best answer. Asking a question to yourself creates a space for reflection. It is really different that "talking to yourself" because asking a question gives you the choice of answers, while talking to yourself is more descriptive.

And I have to say that this idea of asking a question to myself has for some reason really stuck. I find myself easily asking MYSELF a question, when faced with a particular challenge or difficult situation. This happens very quickly, it's just a second or so, but creating the mental "pause" under the form of a question allows to look at options. Rather than diving in with the first response or intuition that comes to mind, asking a question, thinking about options and then taking the next step is really powerful. I have found it extremely easy to actually apply that several times per day.

Next time you are faced with a challenge, a difficulty, a tense situation, ask yourself a question. "What could be another explanation ?", "What would really be the best next step here ?". No need to rack your brain for the perfect question: just creating the pause and scanning the few options before moving ahead has helped me take better next steps. I am happy I didn't put the book aside !