The Power of Silence

We are so hooked on fighting for air-time, making sure we are heard and showing what we know that keeping silent is a challenge for many leaders. Asking a question, waiting for the answer, and then really listening and exploring is the core of real leadership.

When you ask a question and end up answering it yourself ... you are basically saying that you knew the answer and were just "testing" if your team knows or not. You are also saying that you do not really have the time or interest to listen to their ideas.

"But what should I do if they are quiet ? If they have no idea ?" leaders often ask me. My answer is invariably ... "Shut up and wait !". "But what should I do if they are quiet for 5 minutes ?" For one, it will probably never be 5 minutes, although it may feel like that. Second, if you are really interested in their answer, you should just wait.

Think carefully about the questions you are asking. Are you trying to find out if they know the answer ? That's a test, not a question. Do you have the answer to the question you are asking ? If so, why ask it ?  Too often, leaders ask questions to find a way to say what they know or think. A question that is really meant to find out what others are thinking is powerful. Rhetorical questions, gotcha-questions, multiple-choice or do-you-know questions are not how you build trust, innovation or your leadership.

An interesting article recently about the power of uncomfortable silences on the BBC website:

http://www.bbc.com/capital/story/20170718-the-subtle-power-of-uncomfortable-silences